i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
