No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
why does every cop we meet know your name?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
