Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dignity is for republicans.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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