the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That accounts for only three of the penises
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
