I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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