just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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