Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
too bad you live with your parents still
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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