He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
