I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
