If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize