We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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