I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
