look no pants
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
