He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
