sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
