brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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