No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
