Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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