Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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