my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
