The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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