I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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