physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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