My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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