I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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