hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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