no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
