my soul wont recognize me after tonight
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
