who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you never un-have a 4some
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
