will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
