I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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