Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
