I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
