i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
