Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I puked a lego.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
