Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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