also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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