I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
