Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
