Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
