You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
