question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
