halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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