Got a toothbrush?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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