So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
