Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
