im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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