So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
