I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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