his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found the puke drawer
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
