You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
