I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
