I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dick has a subreddit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
