I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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