I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
