my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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