Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
