Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
