@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
