you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize