Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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