So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
